My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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