hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
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