so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
