You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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