and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
