I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
