Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
