did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
