NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
