I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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