I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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