Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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