I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
