i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
