Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Randomize
