time to smoke my breakfast
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
