The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
