ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize