I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
