There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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