Duck Duck Cougar?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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