So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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