I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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