y did u give ur computer a hand job?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
this will be a night to untag.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
