I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i think my cat just said my name.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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