all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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