it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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