Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
