Please, let me fuck your mom
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
