So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
