I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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