New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
