Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
