If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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