Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
