My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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