I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
