I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
