rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
