I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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