I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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