I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
