Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
