we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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