Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
we're making bets on your personal life
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
