i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
