Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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