So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
