UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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