i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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