K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize