she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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