it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
