he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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