So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
