I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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