Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Duck Duck Cougar?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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