I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
