I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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