i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
