i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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