well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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