Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
