I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
